All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
