I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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