he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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