Duck Duck Cougar?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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