A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
