Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
