first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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