i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
