after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
