it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
