Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
