woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
