yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
