My underwear smells like fireworks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
