never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just pee around me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
