It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
