I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
