You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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