His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
