ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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