and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
