I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
