I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
