i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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