Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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