i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
