Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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