I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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