U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
