Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
