I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
