sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
