last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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