I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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