We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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