it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
