i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
