I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
