i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We just shotgunned beers for America
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
