She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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