dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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