11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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