is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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