So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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