i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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