Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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