New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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