Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
