no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
