so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
