I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
