So drunk its hurt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
