I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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