Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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