If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
love makes seman taste better
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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