just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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