Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
