Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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