Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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