yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
