i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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