Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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