No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
