I can't watch pbs sober anymore
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
