Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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