so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?