piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick