you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.