i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten