I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.