I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.