what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance