it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
