i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
