I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
