my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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