Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
