just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
