Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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