Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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