Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
