He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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